Z o r bl o g

This picture, taken after reading this article, takes me right back to 1985.

Posted by Zorbs at 11:51 AM | Permalink

Any one a shoe whore? huh? huh?

update: Oh holy shit on a stick, there was a lululemon warehouse sale today.

Posted by Zorbs at 01:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Apostrocatastrophe

"Oh shit, I committed an apostrocatastrophe!"

Learn how to use your apostrophe's already! <---- sic sic sic

Posted by Zorbs at 08:40 AM | Permalink

I have Supercalifragilisticexpialidoceous stuck in my head.

Posted by Zorbs at 09:18 PM | Permalink

So perfectly round...and brown...and uhhh, flat.

Posted by Zorbs at 09:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

On Friday night, I was in the mood for some Ren & Stimpy, and popped the Ren & Stimp-a-thon, originally aired August 1993 into the VCR. Needless to say, the cassette was fucked. So, I am the proud owner of R&S uncut on DVD.

This weekend was really fun. On Saturday night, we went bowling at Lucky Strike Lanes which is located in the Vaughan Mills mall. If you remember bowling as a 10 year old in a stinky, smoky alley filled with people with mullets and acid wash jeans, this is definitely a pleasant change. Swank leather couches, waitresses in short skirts and 80's music made it really fun. Afterwards (I won the best of 3, have to brag, hee hee hee!) we went across the hall to the NASCAR speedpark which is like Dave & Busters with a racing theme, and took a ride on the indoor go karts.

I am starving now so I am going to eat my Congee Wong leftovers from last night and laugh my ass off with some Ren & Stimpy action.

Posted by Zorbs at 02:46 PM | Permalink

Dear Neighbours,

It's bad enough that you rent out your basement to these scuzzy types who stand around outside and smoke, blast music and talk loudly at all hours. But it really takes the cake when there is a 3 bag limit on trash in this town, and you put your extra bags with my garbage instead of sucking it up and paying $2 per extra bag.

If you had asked nicely, perhaps I would have let you put your garbage out with mine, as I never generate more than one bag of garbage every week. But no, you insist on surreptitiously putting those bags out early in the morning.

Neighbour, it was very easy to tell that you were the culprit, as I walked around the cul-de-sac, and you were the only house that used matte black garbage bags, tied at the top instead of twist ties.

Looking out the window, I see that even after I unceremoniously returned the garbage bags to your curb, they have been picked up. Next time, I will not be so gracious, and will be returning the bags to your front porch instead.

Have a nice day!

Your Friendly Neighbour

Posted by Zorbs at 12:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I am such a scumbag. On Saturday, I wore my new little black dress all day, with a long sweater on top. What I didn't realize is that the tag on the side of the sweater would scuff up the jersey on the dress and give it a horrid lint-ball like appearance. So I was upset, because I plan to wear the LBD for a long time and I do not want it looking ratty already!

So I had a idea. An awful idea! A WONDERFUL AWFUL IDEA!

I exchanged my lint-balled dress (picked out the tag from the garbage and still had the receipt), citing a manufacturing defect and now I have a good-as-new dress again.

Oh, and I removed the tags from that sweater, so that this will not be happening again.

Posted by Zorbs at 01:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Greg and I were in the car, in Chinatown, in search of some crispy spicy beef.

Me: If I see Meredith, I'm going to roll down the window and yell.

And not a minute after that, there she was, walking down the street.

Posted by Zorbs at 10:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Black Bullet by kidneythieves is a fucking awesome song. I just discovered this band thanks to ChroniX.

Posted by Zorbs at 07:15 PM | Permalink

I had my first cooter wax today.

I go into the salon and ask for a bikini wax in a quiet a voice as possible, and was asked 2 separate times, "did you say eyebrow wax?"

me *squeaking*: "bikiniwax!"

receptionist chick hollering to esthetician: "THIS LADY WANTS A BIKINI WAX!!!!"

Now, I don't think that's very nice. What if you were a guy, getting his ass waxed, "THIS GENTLEMAN WANTS HIS ASS WAXED!!!!"

Yeah.

Took me into a room, where I dropped my pants and skivvies, she applied the wax and cloth and RIIIIIIIIP! Followed by the oh, god, INCESSANT PLUCKING WITH TWEEZERS.

Pain factor: about 10x worse than an eyebrow wax.

Outcome: Not satisfied. She didn't do my lower side lips and I am irked that I will have to go over it again later with zee razor. Next time I will go for the full Brazilian.

This is not as detailed as I'd like because someone is pestering me to hurry up and post the damn thing already. :dead

Posted by Zorbs at 12:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

• staff discounts for massages and at Shoppers Drug Mart
• free memberships
• I get to make money working out

Posted by Zorbs at 08:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)