My current mood
[from Pariah]
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April 29, 2003
This or That Tuesday - 4/29/2003
This or That Tuesday, 'Take Comfort' edition:
Which is more comforting for you...
1. Lying down on the couch, or stretching out on a recliner?
A recliner if I actually owned one.
2. Going barefoot or wearing soft slippers?
Slippers, bare feet collect grody shit from the floor.
3. Eating ice cream, or pizza?
Neither, I don't take comfort in food, at least not these foods.
4. Watching on TV...a classic movie or a reality show?
Neither, TV is for stupid people.
5. Wearing: blue jeans or sweat pants?
Jeans can be constricting. Sweatpants.
6. A long, soothing bubble bath or a quick, invigorating shower?
Bubble bath, if I had the time, and the water pressure to fill the tub to the brim without it taking 3 hours.
7. Furniture: leather, or something more on the fuzzy side?
Leather furniture sticks to my ass.
8. Soft, classical music, or upbeat rock & roll?
Rock. I find classical to be the most stressful kind of music, I'll analyze it both structurally and historically to death.
9. Darkness or light?
Light, especially if I'm reading something scary late at night. It is comforting to know "certain as the sun, rising in the East..."
10. Thought-provoking question of the week: You get married, or otherwise begin cohabitating with a significant other. S/he moves into your place, but brings with them the UGLIEST chair you have ever seen! You really don't want this thing in your home, but SO says it is the most comfy chair s/he has ever sat in, and no way will they part with it. Do you: grin and bear it, or scheme to get rid of the montrosity somehow?
I'd live with it, but I'd make them put it in the basement or something.
April 28, 2003
review: Sprite Ice
Tried some Sprite Ice last night after seeing it at the grocery store. Advertised as "lemon-lime mint flavoured soda", it tastes like Sprite flavoured mouthwash or regular Sprite after brushing your teeth. However, it is quite refreshing.
I give it :spork :spork :spork/5
What's the use?
I gave my mom a detailed schedule of my hell week that I'd taken an hour to type up and she just asked, "Will you be home for dinner tonight?"
April 26, 2003
Love 'em and hate 'em
I was seeing who linked to me via Blogrolling the other day when I came across a new linkee, I dropped by to take a look and found their opinion on things to be reprehensible. There are a few people in my blogroll who I dislike, but I keep going back to their blogs like a crack addict, and posting comments like the antagonistic bitch that I am. Am I the only one? Does anyone else out there read blogs of people who they absolutely can't stand?
Sexy Saturday - Week 9
Have you ever gotten a piercing (tongue, nipple, genital) for possible sexual purposes? Did it improve things or was it all hype? Does sex with one or more of those piercings turn you on more?
I have a tongue and a nipple piercing. The tongue piercing has gotten "rave reviews" but I don't have sensitive breasts or nipples so that piercing is for the aesthetic value only. I would love to have sex with someone with a genital piercing, it is one of the things I want to experience at least once in my life.
April 25, 2003
Friday Five - 4/25/2003
1. What was the last TV show you watched?
Hockey Night in Canada, about 4 days ago.
2. What was the last thing you complained about and what was the problem?
Last weekend, one of the moms said to her daughter, "The Lark in the Clear Air sounds like it needs some work," but what she really meant was that I sucked, but didn't quite have the audacity to say so. Last night, she came for her 2nd rehearsal and the mom confirmed my suspicions, saying to me, "Wow! It sounds like you've practiced really hard since last time."
3. Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say?
I probably complimented one of my students.
4. What was the last thing you threw away?
My tasteless piece of gum, wrapped in a dirty paper napkin.
5. What was the last website (besides this one) that you visited?
This one.
Thought of the day: I've never tried to play piano while drunk.
April 24, 2003
Legal, finally
Happy 19th birthday to Paul, my most favouritest student ever!
Unsolicited advice: Have your first legal drink at a bar. It makes things that much more interesting.
April 23, 2003
state of mind
If I wasn't so damn tired, I'd be even more fucking lonely.
"Tonight I won't be alone, but that don't mean I'm not lonely..."
Bandwagon season starts NOW
April 22, 2003
This or That Tuesday - 4/22/2003
This or That Tuesday, 'What is' edition:
1. Yummier: Chocolate ice cream or strawberry cheesecake?
Chocolate ice cream, I don't like fruity desserts.
2. Better to watch on TV: Movies or sports?
SPORTS! I hate all movies with a passion!
3. A better web browser: MSIE or Netscape (or tell us your own favorite!)
Mozilla is by far the bestest.
4. A better way to travel: Automobile or bus/train?
Car. As long as I don't have to drive.
5. Your preferred camera: Digital or film?
Digital. Film and processing costs too much.
6. A Cooler Vehicle: Motorcycle or sports car?
I've never ridden either; I'll choose sports car.
7. More fun: Video games or board games?
Board games.
8. Sexier: A perfect body or an intelligent mind?
The brain is definitely the sexiest body part.
9. A stinkier smell: Skunk or gasoline (petrol)?
You get the gas huffers but you sure don't have skunk huffers, right?
10. Thought-provoking question of the week: What is more important to you: making a ton of money and being at the top of your field, or finding your soulmate and living a comfortable but not wealthy life?
Definitely the latter. Comfortable being the key word in the question. If it was 'living in utter poverty' I might rethink that. Love is fleeting, money can last if you manage it well.
Fifty Mission Cap
"The ghost of Bill Barilko is with us tonight!"
April 21, 2003
Make up your mind
:hot or :cold? Mother Nature can't decide. She must be having nasty wicked PMS to send this kind of weather our way this week.
April 19, 2003
Sexy Saturday - Week 8
Have you ever participated in a threesome? If you haven't, would you want to? Would you prefer there to be 2 guys or 2 girls? Explain why.
I haven't yet been in a threesome, I had an opportunity a few years back that fell through, which would have been ideal, because none of us were in a relationship, so it would have been fun with no strings attached. I would prefer for there to be 2 girls and one guy, for a couple of reasons:
1. I'd feel weird to have 2 guys servicing me.
2. I wouldn't want to watch the 2 guys go at it, that doesn't do a thing for me.
If I ever had the chance to be in a threesome, I imagine that it would be rather nerve wracking, because it would be my first same sex experience as well.
I would like to know why there is a double standard regarding threesomes; it's just about every man's fantasy to watch two women having sex, yet it's considered quite gay for a woman to watch men having sex.
April 18, 2003
Hell weekend
I have a pretty hellish accompanying schedule this weekend (April 18-21, inclusive). I'm accompanying 32 solo singers for their classes at the Lions Club Music Festival which takes place in the last week of April. In case you've forgotten I am competing myself at the same festival. These singers are performing a total of 99 songs. Combine that with practices for and the actual Easter Masses this weekend and you've got one busy Zorbie.
Furthermore, since my piano teacher has been doing the accompanying thing for a long time now, she has worked with most, if not all of these kids I'm seeing before. She told me dirt about these kids that I'm not sure I want to know. One of the girls starred in Lion King downtown and is no doubt a bratty little diva. Another girl (~13-14 years old) showed up at a theatre camp dressed like such a slut that my teacher had to send her home to change.
It reminds me of why I disliked vocal students so much in high school. Back then I probably would have been taken advantage of by them. Now, I keep something nearby to remind myself who's Boss. :spork :devil
April 17, 2003
The ugliest story ever told
After following the continuing drama surrounding New Girl for the past week and then having someone dare to ask if I was her, I've decided to tell my long, ugly story, since it all happened before I started blogging.
It all started pretty innocently, S messaged me on ICQ, and we started talking. I was 19, in first year at university, he claimed to be 24 and living in St. Catharines, Ontario. Like any sociopath, he charmed me completely, and I fell for him, hard.
So I was already somewhat brainwashed when he came to visit me in London, a 4 1/2 hour bus ride from his place, approximately a month after we started talking. He promised me the sun, moon and stars. When he asked me to marry him, I accepted.
This is where it starts going downhill.
S lived with his ex-gf and her new boyfriend. The awkwardness of the whole setup is the reason why he preferred to come visit me and call me. However, we did stay at his father's house in Toronto a few times. I thought he was trying to save me from an uncomfortable situation. [sadistic laugh]
Over the next year, his visits became less frequent, but always with the same promises of undying love.
The one day, out of the blue, we were talking on the phone and he gave me the old "I need some space" speech. In my upset state, I messed around with a guy and somehow S found out about it. (To this day, I still don't know how) I figured since we were more or less broken up, it didn't matter, right?
I should say that by this time I was pretty depressed and was seeing a shrink and that's when I started to take antidepressants. I was having a seriously bad time at school and made a trip or two to the psych ward. Yes, you could say I was having some issues.
A few months passed without seeing S, he blamed health reasons, and still needing to "think things over". Meanwhile, I was doing some background research on him. He said that he played Jr. hockey in the past and there were no statistical records of this. His father told me a few vague stories which did not match with what S had told me. His phone got cut off so there was no way to get in contact with him.
I took a trip to St. C. to see him one day, and he wasn't home. His neighbours allowed me to wait at their apartment until he came home. After talking with the neighbours, I discovered that more and more of what S told me didn't make sense. The neighbours "what other guy living there? We've only seen your boyfriend and another girl."
I was still too blinded by love to see what the fuck was going on.
The last time I saw S, he came to visit. He told me it was over and tried to make it seem like it was all my fault, that all the conflicting stories were all in my head and that I was a lying, cheating slut for having fucked around with another guy after he had basically dumped me months earlier. He acknowledged that he lied and that he was in fact but that I had somehow forced him to do it. "If you had just given me more time, I would have arranged everything and it would have worked out." He left, and I spent several days locked up and under suicide watch in the psych ward.
Fast forward a few months more. A random chatter started talking to me on ICQ. At first, the person was friendly, but then the questions about my personal life came fast and furious. I realized it was S trying to trick me into "admitting" that I had cheated on him. Since that day, I have never talked to another random chatter again on any instant messaging service. S killed all my trust of strangers.
I remember one good thing that came out of this whole mess; after I got out of the hospital, I had a phone call from Vin. He was worried about me because of my absence online without any warning. I remember contrasting him to S: someone who was supposed to be madly in love with me, not giving a fuck about me, and then here's someone who I barely know who cared enough to call when I really needed a friend. I have never forgotten this and will be forever grateful.
So if you have just stumbled upon this blog, and wonder why I can be so bitter and distrustful of strangers, thank S. He taught me that it is far too easy to get taken in by lies and that these kinds of people are far too common.
Always be aware. Watch your back, and keep safe.
Golf Wings Golf
Goodbye Dead Things...have fun on the links! 
April 16, 2003
WiW - 4/16/2003
Who do you look up to in regards to health and fitness issues?
Nobody, really. I find my own motivation, although I hope I can be someone's fitness role model.
April 15, 2003
This or That Tuesday - 4/15/2003
1. File taxes as early as possible, or wait until the last possible minute?
My dad does it for me very early.
2. File electronically, or mail paper forms?
This year, I had to mail forms.
3. Prepare your own taxes, or have someone do it for you?
My dad the accountant does it for me.
4. Are you a saver or a spender?
I am such a spender. I'm trying desperately to save some, though.
5. Do you prefer to carry cash, or pay with plastic (credit/debit cards), or by check?
I pay with cash. If I don't have the cash, I don't buy it. I started not carrying around my debit card too, but I stopped after I filled up the car only to realize I had NO MONEY on me to pay for it.
6. You're broke and desperately need a job, but the only places that are hiring are retail or fast food places. Which would you pick?
Retail for sure. I can't even get a job in retail.
7. Keeping track of your money: are you more meticulous or careless about it?
My dad forces me to be a little bit meticulous, if not, I'd let it all go to hell.
8. What do you do if you find yourself with a lot of change weighing down your purse/pocket/wallet? Do you try to spend it to *get rid of it*, or do you put it in a jar or a piggy bank?
I count out every last cent at the store. It would suck to be you if you were in a hurry and behind me in line.
9. Which form of fake money do you like better...Monopoly money or those chocolate coins covered with gold foil?
Monopoly money, especially if we were playing the game.
10. Thought-provoking question of the week: You find a wallet containing $5,000 in cash, as well as several credit cards and the owner's drivers' license. Your rent is due tomorrow and you're short $200. Do you take the money (some or all of it) and mail back the wallet anonymously...or do you return the wallet with all contents intact?
I'd totally keep all the money. It's a reward for having found the wallet.
Dead Things
The Detroit Dead Things, done like dinner. :crossfingers
April 14, 2003
They have passed not betwixt these lips
I just realized..that I've never eaten a Big Mac or a Whopper. Don't ever intend to, either.
Monday Mission - 4/14/2003
1. When I was a kid, I used to always get Strep Throat. I seemed to get it every year. Are there any illnesses that you seem more susceptible to than others?
A recurring case of Stupidity.
2. A recent poll stated that "Michael" and "Ashley" are the number one baby names in New York. (However, in Oklahoma it seems like there are two or three girls named "Madison" everywhere you go). What are your favorite boy and girl names? What names do you think are trendy or overused? If you have children, would you give them the same name if you had another chance?
Madison and Kaitlyn and Britney and all derivations of those names. Boys' names tend to be fairly generic..although I heard about a kid named Talon (aka CLAW) recently.
3. Any current songs on the radio (or elsewhere) that you think are pure crap? Why don't you like it?
99.9% of stuff on the radio is pure ass-burning crap. It's so unimaginative, to say the VERY least!
4. I used to play the trumpet in High School. I was never very good and always seemed to be last chair. I tried to play it again last week and it was a pretty sad sight. Can you (now or in your youth) play any musical instruments? Do you still play?
I taught myself how to play the flute, I guess I am not that bad except that my technique sucks, been playing for 12 years. Been playing piano for almost 18 years, I still take lessons and am totally stressed over that and don't want to talk about it. I make all my money in some piano-related way but I wish I had pursued singing as my primary instrument, I find learning vocal songs 560928350918029802356 bazillion times easier than piano. And I did take voice lessons during the summer while I was at university.
5. What is the most recent self-improvement program (fitness, weight loss, learning something new) that you began? Did you stick with it? Why or why not?
I started working out regularly 3 years ago and never stopped. I go 3-4 days a week, although I would go 7 if I had the time. I hate people who can't/won't stick to a fitness program...what is so hard about it? Do those people enjoy doing nothing and complaning that they're fat?
6. How would you look in a Hooters uniform?
Decent. At least my :boobies are real.
7. Have you ever had a dream where you interacted with a celebrity (sex or otherwise)? What happened?
I had a dream about me and Mats recently. You know, that kind.
April 13, 2003
Normally I don't give a flying fuck about golf but..
This is a huge exception:
CONGRATULATIONS MIKE WEIR!!! :canada
April 12, 2003
What sex toy are you?
You Are A Naughty Duckie!
Draw a bath
Start up the duck
More satisfying than
Your latest fuck!
Sexy Saturday - Week 7
I just went to a porn shop this week and picked up a few "necessities" and to look at possible replacements for my broken purple friend.
Have you ever been to a porn shop? Or would you rather do your sexy shopping from a catalogue or online? Describe or provide links to your favourite shops. What kind of items do you like to look at/buy?
Of course I've been to a porn shop, I wrote the question!
When Amanda was here in January, we went to Seduction. They have a great selection, but on the day we were there this sleazy salesguy kept following us around and it was really annoying. My favourite things to look at in a porn shop are clothes and toys. I have a few online shops bookmarked but most of them look pretty fly-by-night. The only other brick and mortar shop I've really been in is Condom Shack. This week I bought a giant bottle of lube, batteries, and low-temperature melting candles for some wax fun.
April 11, 2003
The Classic
Purity Test! (from Amanda's LJ)
| I scored 65½% on the classic 400 Point Purity Test! |
| Take the test here! |
Friday Five - 4/11/2003
1. What was the first band you saw in concert?
Slipknot.
2. Who is your favorite artist/band now?
As of this very moment, Evanescence. For all time, Guns N'Roses and Slipknot.
3. What's your favorite song?
November Rain by Guns N'Roses.
4. If you could play any instrument, what would it be?
I can already play several instruments. Heh. :piano :flute
5. If you could meet any musical icon (past or present), who would it be and why?
I should say that I want to meet any of the dead Classical greats, but honestly, I have no idea what we'd talk about.
April 10, 2003
Free wash
I pulled up to my students' house today and M (aged early 20's and quite hot..but I digress) and his younger brother D (18-ish) were out front washing their cars.
Me: Hey, while you're at it, wash my car too!
M starts squirting tire cleaner shit on my tires.
Me: Oh my gawd, I was kidding.
M & D: We got one of those neato power washers, it rocks!
I remembered an old article by Linwood Barclay: Cleaning is boring, but add an element of danger to cleaning by using a power washer and you've got a job strong enough for a man.
I just laughed and went in to teach my lesson.
After the lesson, the Zorb-mobile was clean.
Desperately craving
a caffè mocha from Starbucks. :caffeine
I hate myself..
because I am utterly unable to express myself in words
because I will probably lose a good friend today (that makes 4 this week and counting...let's make it more, it isn't even Friday yet!)
because the world is so fucked up
because I can't do anything about it
April 09, 2003
New meme - Weigh In Wednesdays
Do you belong to any other groups/forums/clubs [aside from WiW] that help you on your way?
Nope, but I read the articles on iVillage and the occasional weight-loss blog for inspiration.
"Oh help me if I ever get as fat as you!"
April 08, 2003
And you thought your girlfriend was a psycho bitch
Those of you who have known me for more than 5 years or so will know why this story hits home with me. :grr
never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled
without the mask where will you hide
can't find yourself lost in your lie
i know the truth now
i know who you are
and i don't love you anymore
~ everybody's fool, Evanescence
April 07, 2003
Monday Mission - 4/7/2003
1. Would you rather impress or influence others? Why? Which do you tend to do more than the other?
I would love to be a (good) influence on others, but I think I try to impress them too much. Keep in mind though, that trying to impress people definitely doesn't mean I succeed. :blank
2. Are you able to admit your weaknesses to others? How do you handle your weaknesses (Can you accept them and see them as a strength? (Do you strive to overcome them? etc.)
I'm painfully aware of my weaknesses and I don't handle them very well.
3. How do you react when you are bossed around, treated as inferior or taken advantage of?
I'd treat them like shit. Actually, I tend to treat everyone like shit, so it's not like anyone is particularly special.
4. Do you live your life to meet your own needs, or do you live to meet the needs of others? Why?
No one needs me. This I am very certain of.
5. This is your Mission on Mondays, but what is your mission in life?
I don't have one. This I am very certain of as well.
6. Can you focus on your goals and achieve them, or are you sidetracked by minor distractions along the way?
No, because I don't have any goals.
7. When was the last time you cried? What were you feeling at that moment (anger, sadness, etc.)?
I don't remember, but I'm sure it was anger.
BONUS: Who can it be knocking at my door?
Quoth the Raven, nevermore.
April 06, 2003
Names
My goddamn rock solid ghetto shiznit name is Fellatio B.
What's yours?
My insulting name is Father of forty dogs Brachiosaur!
What's yours?
My Mormon name is Mattalyn Braquelle!
What's yours?
Powered by Rum and Monkey.
April 05, 2003
Sexy Saturday - Week 6
Have you ever done anything kinky? What do you consider to be kinky?
As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I engaged in the bondage thing once. I was the one who got tied up, and I didn't find it very exciting.
In the future, I'd like to try hot wax play, and...
(highlight to read the hidden text)
I'd really like to have sex in a coffin, but I don't know if I'll ever find a willing partner for that.
April 04, 2003
Friday Five - 4/4/2003
1. How many houses/apartments have you lived in throughout your life?
This took me a minute to tally: 10.
2. Which was your favorite and why?
Of course I loved having my own place in London, so I think I'd say that was my favourite although it wasn't the prettiest house, I didn't have to share it with anyone.
3. Do you find moving house more exciting or stressful? Why?
Most of the moves in my life were made when I was under 10 (I lived in 9 of the 10 places before I was 10 years old) and I always found it exciting and never worried about making new friends and changing schools. Now, I'd find it stressful.
4. What's more important, location or price?
Location is great but what's the point if you can't afford the house? In Santa Barbara we rented, but we saw our dream house and could afford it, but it had lousy feng shui (obvious even to my family, the most basic feng shui practitioners) so we didn't buy it.
5. What features does your dream house have (pool, spa bath, big yard, etc.)?
Rachel Ashwell's house makes me drool with all it's Shabby Chic-ness. I love her hidden little spa and other nooks and crannies to just relax.
Weekly Wrap-Up - Singing Along
1. Do you like to sing? Why or why not?
I used to hate singing, because I didn't think I was any good. I've had a few voice lessons (a summer's worth) and I think I'm much better now. At least that's what people tell me.
2. Where do you like to sing? Why?
I DON'T like to sing in choirs, I hate choirs because being a pianist, in school they always forced pianists to be in the choir instead of band, which I'd prefer for my large ensemble credit.
3. Do you sing in front of people? Why or why not?
I sing every week at church. I play piano and sing, it gives me this cool Fiona Apple-vibe, even though it's at church, for crying out loud. I didn't want to at first, because I when I sing and play at the same time, both my singing and my playing aren't as good as they can be than if I was only doing one at a time. The people in my music group at church like my singing so much they don't care if my piano playing suffers. Fine, be that way!
4. What's your favorite song to sing along with? Why?
Until they come out with a piano/vocal book for Evanescence, I'll keep singing Only Hope by Mandy Moore.
5. What song is your guilty singing pleasure? Why?
See above. Also, Reflection by Christina Aguilera. Why? because I really don't like to be known for singing hit songs by dumb blond pop divas.
April 03, 2003
Guilty As Charged
I'm feeling guilty:
1. For thinking CNN reporter Jason Bellini is teh hawt. As someone said to me yesterday, "It's ok, he's not evil, he's just a mouthpiece for Satan."
2. For being tempted by the cookies from Cookie It Up every time I go down to the kitchen.
3. For liking Mandy Moore's song "Only Hope" so much that I went out and bought the sheet music. I think I can sing it better than her though, and I'm willing to bet she isn't playing the piano herself on the recording and I can do both at the same time. I rock! *strut*
April 02, 2003
Look Ma, I'm a Terrorist!
I'm a towelhead with a WMD! (well a :spork anyways)
*ducks to avoid the missiles*
More funny shit: Krede Comes Clean
April 01, 2003
Unscheduled Hiatus
Seems like I'll have to take a hiatus for awhile, because I have been exposed to the dreaded SARS. :sick
update: APRIL FOOLS!
update #2: Top 100 April Fool's Hoaxes of All Time (from /.)