review: Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans
Definitely not for the faint of heart or weak of stomach.
They are infinitely more fun when eaten with company, since you'll take a bite of one, and want to see your friends' expressions as they partake of the utter grossness of some of the flavours included in the box. You also want to have some kind of beverage to clear your palate. (I had beer.)
Black Pepper: Since actual black pepper was listed on the ingredients, this was very realistic and had a nice spicy zing.
Booger: Salty, just like you remember as a kid.
Dirt: Tastes just like Demeter's Dirt perfume smells.
Ear Wax: I suppose this tasted like ear wax. Vaguely citrusy with weird aftertaste. But I've never tasted ear wax. Have you?
Grass: Herbal, like a freshly mowed lawn.
Sardine: Disgustingly fishy but very accurate.
Spinach: Also very true to reality, due to actual spinach paste content.
Tutti-Fruitti: It resembled the tutti-fruitti bean on the Flavor Guide, so that's what flavour I'll assume it was. But OH GOD IT WAS FUCKING DISGUSTING. It tasted exactly like week-old spaghetti that had absorbed the flavours of everything else in your refrigerator.
Vomit: Nowhere near as bad as I expected. When I bought the box of beans, the guy at the candy store (appropriately called Suckers) asked me if I was sure I wanted to try them. I think vomit is a very personal thing. No one else's puke should taste the same as mine, dammit!
Suggested flavours for Jelly Belly: grass (the non-lawn variety), beer, ass
I give it :spork :spork :spork/5 for the taste and :spork :spork :spork :spork :spork/5 for the entertainment factor.
Comments
The Jelly Belly Factory is nearby (about 40 minutes.) We visited last spring and went on the tour & tasting. They'd been perfecting some of the Harry Potter flavors (snot was one of them, and earwax i think) A couple were pretty unique, and then others were absolutely horrid.
Incidentally, of all the flavors (106?) that Jelly Belly produces, there's only *one* flavor that cannot be co-bagged with the other beans: Jalepeno.
Posted by: Jeremiah | August 3, 2003 06:56 PM
I feel really sorry for the people who had to taste-test these things as they were perfected... I mean, over, and over, and over... ugggggh!
Jeremiah, do you recommend the tour? My friends and I are thinking of going, but will have to take a day off work to do so (since the machines don't run on weekends).
Posted by: Meredi | August 4, 2003 11:30 AM
Yes, the tour is quite fun and interesting. I think it's worth taking an afternoon off for. They do run the factory on the weekends, but not at full steam - only a small crew. Their museum is quite interesting, too; an odd cross section of American history.
Posted by: Jeremiah | August 4, 2003 12:03 PM
I have had a great deal of fun unleashing these beans on unsuspecting co-workers!
Posted by: Monkeyspit | August 5, 2003 09:05 PM
:canada :canada :canada :canada :canada :canada
Yay!
Thanks for doing this. Your taste test results were actually helpful to me, because I had wondered but was to freakin' cheap to buy them.
Here is a site with lots of Harry Potter pics, that I thought you might like:
http://www.BooksUnderReview.com/Arts/Literature/Children's/Authors/R/Rowling,_J.K./Harry_Potter_Series/Image_Galleries
Have a great day, and thanks again.
Mandy
Posted by: Harry Potter Lover | August 7, 2003 11:35 AM
I hVEN'T TRIED THESE WEIRD FLAVORS QUITE YET, BUT I PLAN TO SOON...MAYBE THEY SHOULD COME OUT WITH A BEEF FLAVOR??? :cow
Posted by: Rachel | October 28, 2003 02:04 AM
they are very good I ate the booger one and it had a nasty after taste! :angryrazz My mom try any bc she thinks they're all bad. But she tried the popcorn one and she said it tasted exactly like popcorn! AMAZING
:grin
Posted by: Nicole | December 29, 2003 10:40 AM
i havent really tasted any but i tasted the ear wax one and it was nasty i meAN IT WAS GROSS!!!!! :angryrazz :frown
Posted by: April | January 24, 2004 09:28 PM