Z o r bl o g

Today before the wedding I was feeling a slight craving for some greasy goodness. But I wasn't going to cave into an entire grease orgy.

I noticed recently that KFC added some real salads (as opposed to the processed crap) to their menu and figured I'd try one instead of having fries to keep the rest of my meal as healthy as possible.

So I ordered a popcorn chicken combo with 2 substitutions:

i) the salad instead of fries
ii) water instead of pop

Her: I'll have to charge you an extra 50 cents for that water.
Me: You're going to charge me 50 cents for tap water?
Her: You want tap water?!?! (looking incredulous that someone doesn't want to drink sugary pop)
Me: :grr Yes!

Interminable wait while chicken is being cooked.

I see in the bag that she's put in one of those coleslaw things.

Me: No no, I want one of those salads with real veggies! And by the way, what kinds of dressings do you have?
Her: I have fatty Italian and fatty Caesar.
Me: Ugh, can I have some plain vinegar please?
Her: We don't have any.
Me: WHAT?! You seriously don't have vinegar? (KFC not having vinegar is like KFC not having ketchup - impossible!)
Her: Nope.
Me: If I wanted vinegar for my fries, what would you give me?
Her: holds up vinegar packet.
Me: THAT'S WHAT I WANTED ALL ALONG!

I couldn't hold it in any longer.
"Goddamnit, you are fucking stupid!"
Me: (thinking) You don't have to wait till I leave to call me a bitch. Say it to my face!