Z o r bl o g

S lived with his ex-gf and her new boyfriend. The awkwardness of the whole setup is the reason why he preferred to come visit me and call me. However, we did stay at his father's house in Toronto a few times. I thought he was trying to save me from an uncomfortable situation. [sadistic laugh]

Over the next year, his visits became less frequent, but always with the same promises of undying love.
The one day, out of the blue, we were talking on the phone and he gave me the old "I need some space" speech. In my upset state, I messed around with a guy and somehow S found out about it. (To this day, I still don't know how) I figured since we were more or less broken up, it didn't matter, right?

I should say that by this time I was pretty depressed and was seeing a shrink and that's when I started to take antidepressants. I was having a seriously bad time at school and made a trip or two to the psych ward. Yes, you could say I was having some issues.

A few months passed without seeing S, he blamed health reasons, and still needing to "think things over". Meanwhile, I was doing some background research on him. He said that he played Jr. hockey in the past and there were no statistical records of this. His father told me a few vague stories which did not match with what S had told me. His phone got cut off so there was no way to get in contact with him.

I took a trip to St. C. to see him one day, and he wasn't home. His neighbours allowed me to wait at their apartment until he came home. After talking with the neighbours, I discovered that more and more of what S told me didn't make sense. The neighbours "what other guy living there? We've only seen your boyfriend and another girl."

I was still too blinded by love to see what the fuck was going on.

The last time I saw S, he came to visit. He told me it was over and tried to make it seem like it was all my fault, that all the conflicting stories were all in my head and that I was a lying, cheating slut for having fucked around with another guy after he had basically dumped me months earlier. He acknowledged that he lied and that he was in fact but that I had somehow forced him to do it. "If you had just given me more time, I would have arranged everything and it would have worked out." He left, and I spent several days locked up and under suicide watch in the psych ward.

Fast forward a few months more. A random chatter started talking to me on ICQ. At first, the person was friendly, but then the questions about my personal life came fast and furious. I realized it was S trying to trick me into "admitting" that I had cheated on him. Since that day, I have never talked to another random chatter again on any instant messaging service. S killed all my trust of strangers.

I remember one good thing that came out of this whole mess; after I got out of the hospital, I had a phone call from Vin. He was worried about me because of my absence online without any warning. I remember contrasting him to S: someone who was supposed to be madly in love with me, not giving a fuck about me, and then here's someone who I barely know who cared enough to call when I really needed a friend. I have never forgotten this and will be forever grateful.

So if you have just stumbled upon this blog, and wonder why I can be so bitter and distrustful of strangers, thank S. He taught me that it is far too easy to get taken in by lies and that these kinds of people are far too common.

Always be aware. Watch your back, and keep safe.